Out of the ashes and rubble there arose the greatest adventurer ever, who is simply known as Jeff.  Brandishing skills and strength, he laughs at ten hour paddle legs.  Marathon treks going up hill both ways?  Bah.  And armed with an internal compass, Jeff laughs at o-courses.  Alas, his nemesis:  that damn bike (and spider webs, bees, poison ivy, etc).

Of course, every superhero must have a sidekick.  Exercising a great deal of both pity and grace, Jeff made Mario his Robin.  A portly little elf, Jeff found Mario on the side of a trail wearing his daughter’s shoes and crying that his prostate hurt, whining that he was hungry and ending all of his sentences with freaking prepositions.

Teaming up with the dynamic duo to defeat the Untamed One, is Kara (one-half of the legendary Clip and Clipless juggernaut).  What can one say?  She can actually smell orange and white flags.   In addition, her legendary canoe skills will help in balancing the ballast a/k/a Mario.  And, of course, she makes us coed (notwithstanding Mario’s aforementioned girls shoes).